Happy Independance Day Eve! I can't believe it's ALREADY the 7th month... we are moving tooo fast in this 2012 year. In the blink of an eye it's going to be fall - Stabs in school, warmer clothes, Wolfie crawling around probably trying to walk! I feel like I just had that kid! And then out of no where, it's going to be Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's! Goodness gracious! I love those holidays, but I'm just not ready for them yet... where's the pause/slow mo button when you need it?!
So, there's been a lot going on in my life. 2 kids, moved back home, tons of responsibility... not being completely happy... I've been doing a lot of thinking and evaluating, and I've come to the conclusion, that it's time for me to do something drastic! I need to get back out there and love that peace of mind that I had this time last year! May not seem like it's too much to do, but for me (ALWAYS), change always scared the beegizzy out of me. This time around when I do go out, it won't just be me and Stabs... it'll be me, Stabs, Wolfie, and Wolfie's dad.
I've been trying to finish that paragraph for a little while now, and I just can't for some reason. Everything that I type out just doesn't sound right... what's wrong with me?! Let me try this again:
Okay, I don't want to say that I can't do it. I've moved out before, I was scared as crap, but I was able to do it. I was able to make those monthly payments, never late, and I maintained. Yes, it was hard! Yes, plenty of times I had to go without. During the last few months, as I was trying to keep myself (and unborn Wolfie) healthy, I found out in the most random way that my roommate wasn't keeping up with her agreement. I'm going to just keep it as that.
Moving on, I think that's why I'm feeling hesitant with the idea to do it again. I don't want to be put in that same predicament. But I won't let myself do that again. At least I thought I wasn't... most recently, I started having these feelings again living at home again. And on top of that, just the amount of stress that is there. It's not healthy. There's been plenty of times that I've mummbled "I'm ready to move"... looked up different apartments online... talked to a few folks about moving in a house. Yes, I'm ready for that. But I think I need to write down a realistic list of things that I want. I know what I want is out there. I just need to be faithful and look! I don't want to put a deadline on when I want to move out, but just know that I am ready. God, I know that I haven't been keeping up with my side of the deal. I know it seems like I let any and all distractions keep me from you. I don't want it to seem like that anymore! Today, is the last day that I make any excuse! I'm about to be the "Queen of No". I want my family to be happy, and even more than that, even if it does seem a little selfish... but I want to be happy! I can't keep comprising my happiness for everyone elses. It's not fair! Not to me, and not to my girls! I want the best for them! And right now, the best for them is a happy mommie!
...so, I'm back on my grind!